The Last Windrow: A Classic Last Windrow
The beauty of looking back over 30 years of columns is that you see historical items mentioned that one had long ago forgotten about. Life moves swiftly, change happens every day and what was true yesterday may not be true today.
I wrote the following “Classic Last Windrow” back in the year 2000. I wrote it in February when I had been too long indoors and cabin fever had evidently set in and I was watching fishing shows.
February is a month of incubation up here in the north and I must have been watching TV game shows a lot before writing this column. I hope you enjoy the humor. Sometimes even I don’t recognize the lines I wrote, but this column brought a smile to my face.
“Classic Last Windrow Column-TV Quiz Show Answers”
The popularity of the evening quiz show has returned. Folks all around are glued to their TV sets watching some guy or gal make a sap out of themselves when they miss an easy question that everybody in the audience knows.
I may devise one of these quiz shows and market it to the American public. It will be a quiz show based on fishing, that all-American pastime. I’ve been working on the first set of questions. So far I haven’t found a sponsor who would be willing to spill millions of dollars on my contestants, but it’s just a matter of time until some smart marketing manager discovers my show.
My first shows questions would be as follows:
Question: What is a minnow?
Choose from: A. A type of mirror. B. A model of car that didn’t sell well. C. A person who used to live in Minnesota. D. A fish used to catch a fish.
Question: Which one of these men is noted for his angling skills?
Choose from: A. Bill Clinton. B. Jonah. C. Homer Circle. D. King Tut.
Question: Where would you find a shore bar?
Choose from: A. Where you find sailors. B. Near the shore. C. In a gym. D. In a candy store.
Question: What do you do with a leech?
Choose from: A. Scare the life out of your wife. B. Scare the lives out of your kids. C. Fire him from your company. D. Catch a fish with it.
Question: What is an anchor?
Choose from: A. The last guy you hired. B. A thing that holds your boat in place. C. A teenager getting ready to go somewhere. D. Your bank account.
Question: When is the best time to go fishing?
Choose from: A. When your wife isn’t looking. B. On the day of your job review. C. When you hear the relatives are coming. D. Whenever the chance arises.
Question: What is a depth finder?
Choose from: A. A machine that measures the depth. B. A neurotic psychologist. C. The part of your body that strikes the bottom of the lake first after a dive. D. A guy who hits a natural gas line while trying to trap a pocket gopher.
Question: What is a fish tale?
Choose from: A. The end of a fish. B. A lie that can’t be measured. C. What you do on an icy road. D. All of the above.
Question: Why do fishermen lie?
Choose from: A. They’re trying to impress people. B. To get the bartender to buy them another beer. C. To justify their existence. D. They would never do this.
Question: What are tadpollys?
Choose from: A. The name of a baseball team that will replace the Twins. B. A polly that’s a tad off. C. Lures. D. Members of Jesse Ventura’s new political party.
Remember to choose carefully before answering any of these questions. You have three life lines at your disposal. Just don’t call me.
If you answer all questions correctly you will be awarded with two years worth of old fishing magazines and a fishing net with the handle autographed by a famous fishing personality. Me.
I can’t wait to pitch this idea to one of those high powered TV shows. Then, just sit back and rake in the money.
I can’t go wrong, can I? Is that your final answer?
See you next time. Okay?