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Renegade Chef: The beer season opener

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Rumor has it old man winter finally got the hint, and like that annoying, over-staying second-cousin, left in a tizzy. Sorry if we appeared to be a little rude, your frigidness, but just look at the chaos you’ve caused by insisting on such a late check-out.

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Sure, we had a nice season with plenty of snow, or “white gold,” as the chamber of commerce likes to call it. Thanks a lot for that, I mean it. But even though sufficient snowfall, a relatively rare occurrence over the past decade, brought a welcome boost to our winter economy, its reluctance to leave may have cost us in the long run.

In fact, I’m willing to bet some of the area golf resorts would have gladly given their spring proceeds to charity rather than have all those stubborn piles of white gold hang around until, gee, about five minutes ago. Ditto for the fishing industry, where trolling motors were more useful as ice augers during the recent walleye opener.

In addition to the financial woes associated to a lingering winter, I am curious to know some of the other consequences of an unbalanced season.

Are the fish confused? Did they wonder why they didn’t get their usual quota of free lures on opening day?

Are the ducks and geese still settling in after a long layover in Des Moines? Have the loons forgotten their calling?

Are golf scores higher and are golfers crabbier? Do the dandelions whimper rather than roar?

Can the corn seedlings my nephew started in his living room last February, and now represent an indoor cornfield, be successfully transplanted?

If winter lasted so long, why are the spring fires so quick to start? Why are the ticks so quick to bite?

WHY ARE GAS PRICES SO HIGH?

While I contemplate these things, I think I’ll rake the lawn until I get thirsty. Beer season is a little late this year. Thanks a lot, winter.

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