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Renegade Chef: A time to howl

A time to howl

Tonight we can look into the sky and see a beautiful full moon. It’s not all that uncommon. In fact, outside of an occasional February, it occurs every month.

Once in a “blue moon,” two full moons appear in the same month. This happens about every three years.

Today the tide is high. Somewhere bad surfers will get tossed off their boards by monster waves while a few will feel the ecstasy of escaping through that violently shifting hallway known as the curl, where legend has it time stops while the Beach Boys eternally harmonize “Little Surfer Girl.”

It is also said the ghost of Annette Funicello haunts the moon-driven curl, but only recently.

In some forests across the world, today’s timber harvest may be temporarily stalled because the sap in the trees is rising and cutting them in this stage could cause the “Death Watch” beetles to come out en masse and devour all the local crops — whether or not Paul McCartney is involved, remains uncertain.

This evening, men will hunt in the light of night, not so much because they want to hunt, but because their wives are cranky. Since the dawn of cave people, the female menstrual cycle has often been connected with the phases of the moon.

Sure, a full moon makes hunting easier, but during that time of the month a man knew he just had to get out of the cave for a few days. I find it ironic that, millions of years later, the Slovakian psychiatrist, Eugen Jonas, created a method of birth-control based on the lunar power of a full moon. According to some, the method was so simple even a caveman could do it. Perhaps that’s why we have so many little cavemen running around the world today.

Speaking of cranky, witches all over the world are holding “Esbat” rituals this evening. They suggest everyone bring a dish to share but to keep in mind some of the witches are lactose-intolerant and allergic to gluten. However, according to the minutes from last month’s Esbat, no current Wicca members are known to suffer reactions to lizard tongues, rat tails or toadstools.

I’m pretty sure, sometime today, one of my dogs is going to bite me. There exists a study that claims a person is twice as likely to be bitten by a dog during a full moon, and I have two dogs.

By the time dusk falls, I’ll probably have turned into a werewolf. Maybe I’ll howl at the moon, or maybe I’ll go to the local Esbat chapter’s monthly potluck and scare the Wiccans out of some witches.